A PROMISE KEPT

I promised a young friend to write about some of the guys I dated prior to my getting married.  She thinks that only she has dated crazies and that it will not get better and it will always be this way for her.  Well, I am here to tell her that it will get better and it won't always be this way.  I dated my share of crazies before I got married.  Perhaps, my young friend is now actually dating the young sons of the crazies I once dated.

Let me tell her about some of my doozies...

• There was the guy in high school whose nickname was "Puppy".  Well, I came to find out that his nickname was "Puppy" because he was such a dog.  And, after finding out what a dog he actually was, I called him on the phone to tell him that I was not going to see him anymore.  And then he literally tried to run me over with his car, in front of our high school.  Guy # 1.
• There was the guy I met driving down the street and we both pulled over and exchanged telephone numbers and when he showed up for our first date he was dressed like Super Fly in a green hat, flowing cape and a purple suit.  The guys in my neighborhood who were standing outside when he came to pick me up could not stop laughing.  Guy # 2.
• Or the guy I ran into on the street years after we stopped dating.  He was then homeless.       Guy # 3.         
• Or the 6'4" jock I dated in high school whom I saw on a downtown street some years ago with his arm around the person who was his best friend in high school.  They are now both gay.  Guy # 4.
• There was the guy who wrote my name in black spray paint on the walls of his mother's living room from ceiling to floor.  He did this after I told him that I didn't want to see him anymore.  And, then he stalked me for four years.  That was guy # 5.
• There was the cowboy.  Guy # 6.
• There was the guy who was old enough to be my father who actually turned out to be a friend of my father's (unbeknownst to me of course).  Guy # 7.

As the saying goes...I could go on and on and on.  But, I just wanted to give my friend a sampling and some hope.  It really does get better.  But, I do also want her to know that she does have to kiss a few toads before she finds that prince.  I have my share of warts.

But, I saved the best for last and he wasn't even my boyfriend.  This guy dated my girlfriend.  When she shouted to him through her grandmother's front storm door that she didn't want to see him anymore...he ripped the storm door off of its hinges.  She and I still laugh about that one.


Peace 

 

THE STORMS OF LIFE

I have come to understand that life is a series of storms; we are either in the midst of a storm, coming out of a storm, or a storm is on the horizon and it just hasn't hit yet.  I don't say this from a pessimistic or weltschmerz stance, I just say this from a realistic point of view having gotten to this age after being battered around by a few storms of my own.

More than anything, what keeps me from going over the edge when I am in the  midst of something is remembering that the last thing I went through which I surely thought would take me out...didn't.  I've come to believe and know in my spirit that "no weapon that is formed against (me) shall prosper..."

Whenever I am caught up in the whirlwind of life's storms, I make a point of finding a quiet place and bringing back to memory other situations that I survived.  Like the time I lost my job, but didn't lose my house or even miss a meal.  Like when a guy I dated stalked me for four l-o-n-g years but, was not successful in carrying out his ultimate goal of harming me or my family.  And, the next person I met and dated would be the man I ended up marrying.  (I promise to do at least one post on the guys I dated before I got married because I have a young friend who thinks she has the corner on crazies and that it will always be like this for her.)

People say that there is a lesson to be learned from each problem and if you keep having the same problem(s) over and over, it is because you haven't learned the lesson yet that is to be gleaned from that situation.  That what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger...yada, yada, yada.  Taylor Swift can put those lyrics in her song because she is still a youngster.  Well, maybe I don't want to be stronger.  And, maybe I don't want to learn any more lessons.  And, maybe what I want is not to have any more problems in my life ever again.   Maybe what I really want is to wake up tomorrow with more than enough money in the bank, children who don't act like they were raised by unknown parents, a husband at least 20 years younger than myself and driving a red two-seater convertible.

Where did you think I was going with this??  Don't tell me you really don't want the same thing!


Peace

DO-OVER, PLEASE

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire.  He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house-building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family.  He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire.  They would get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor.  The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work.  He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials.  It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.

When the carpenter finished his work, the employer came to inspect the house.  He handed the front door key to the carpenter.  "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."  The carpenter was shocked!

What a shame!  If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently.  So it is with us.  We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building.  Then with a shock we realize we have to live in the house we have built.  If we could do it over, we'd do it much differently.

But, we cannot go back.  You are the carpenter.  Each day you hammer a nail, you place a board, or you erect a wall.  "Life is a do-it-yourself project", someone has said.  Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the "house" you live in tomorrow.  Always do the best you can.  Build wisely!!!

We don't always get the chance for a do-over.


Peace

You is kind...You is smart...You is important...

These are the words Viola Davis, actress, said to her young ward in the movie "The Help".  She would gently take the face of the little girl between her hands and say the words to her; almost like a mantra..."You is kind...you is smart...you is important."  I've watched the movie a couple of times and I initially passed off her action as simply one of benevolence.  It actually took me quite a while before the impact of her action/words really hit me.

How much better of a world would we live in if all mothers would lovingly cup the faces of their daughters between their hands and declare with certainty and affirmation..."You is kind...you is smart...you is important."  And, the more I thought about it, how much better of a world we would live in if all parents instilled these words in all of their children, male and female.

You is kind...

• How much less bullying would there be?
• How much less abuse inflicted upon women by their boyfriends and spouses; physical, emotional and verbal?
• Would we hesitate a little longer before uttering that quick retort in response to some unkindness spoken to us?
• Would the increased level of abuse to animals conducted by more and more young people today actually go down?
• Would the rate of incarceration go down?

You is smart...

For some social economic and/or ethnic groups, being smart or showing an interest in learning is looked down upon or de-valued.  Even some parents are no longer as actively involved or as encouraging of their children learning and their school work as parents used to be.  When we embrace the concept of being smart, nothing seems impossible and being smart then also tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You is important...

If our children grow up believing they are important, we may not have as many people with low self-esteem allowing others to treat them any and every kind of way.  When we believe we are important, we don't accept abuse or allow people to talk down to us.  If our children grow up believing they are important would they then feel obligated to live up to that image by giving back to society?  When we believe we are important, we take care of our bodies and health.  When we believe we are important, we don't settle.


You is kind...you is smart...you is important.

I am kind...I am smart...I am important.


Peace