WHAT IS THE TRUE MEASURE OF A LIFE??

I have arrived at that stage in life where I seem to be attending as many funerals as I do birthday parties.  This is what happens when one lives long enough.  I went to the home-going service of a childhood friend just a couple of weeks ago.  And, the weekend prior to that, I participated in a celebratory birthday dinner of a friend who was turning 98.  Ironically, the bio that was prepared for my friend, who was turning 98, was drafted in a format similar to what an obituary would have looked like.  The bio talked about her life and family in a parallel manner.  The difference being my friend was still alive and able to contribute to her bio.  And, those in attendance were able to relay to the birthday honoree how they felt about her vs. delivering a short speech in the form of a eulogy which she would never hear.

Along that same vein, I have another friend who has decided to write her own obituary.  Apparently, she wants to have a say in what will be said about her, thus putting her own spin on the way people look at her life.  My question to you is:  what is more important...what you say about your life or what other people ultimately say about your life and how you lived?  I am aware that perception is reality, but whose reality really matters?

I am coming to grips with my own mortality because I am accepting of the fact that in all probability I have lived longer than I have left to live.  And, while none of us knows how long we have to live, I am dealing with the legacy I want to leave.

Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King talked about the drum major instinct; this basic human instinct for recognition, attention, and distinction.

Regardless of how I think I have treated people or have behaved, it is important to me that I successfully carry out my intent.  When I am gone, I want my daughter to truly say that I was a good mom.  I want my granddaughter to say I was fun.  I would like my husband to believe that I really did love him and tried to be a caring wife.  I want my friends to say that I was a good friend and came through for them when needed.  I want my sisters to have looked up to me as a big sister and say that I tried to provide support and guidance for the entire family.  I want my neighbors to say that I was a good neighbor and tried to keep an eye out for them.

I am an usher at my church and want my fellow worshipers to say that I always welcomed them with a smile and the Spirit of Christ.  I have been active in my community for years.  I pray that I have really made a positive difference.

But, it is fatuitousness to think I will have any of the aforementioned said about me if I am not committed to actually working at all of the above and more.

I have to be available to and supportive of my daughter whenever she needs me.  I have to be ready to push my granddaughter in the swing when she wants to play.  I have to have a soft word and provide a gentle touch for my husband when he needs it.  When my friends call, I have to take the time to listen and offer my sage advice when asked.  When my sisters need me, I have to be the surrogate mom.  My next door neighbor is 93 years old.  I need to follow up on her daily and check on her needs.

True recognition, attention and distinction are a result of service to others.

It really doesn't matter how many degrees one has.  I know some well-educated narcissistic people.

It doesn't matter one's title in life.  I've had a few managers I could have chocked.

As Dr. King said, one only needs a "heart full of grace" and "a soul generated by love".

Dr. King also said, "I just want to leave a committed life behind".

What is the true measure of a life?


Peace

MERCY FOR ALL

I've heard it said that we generally want justice for others, but...mercy for ourselves.

When I think about it, unless one has risen to a higher level of compassion and charity, that is probably how a lot of people feel or think. 

...Just think about it...

When you are driving down the road and someone f-l-i-e-s past doing at least 60 - 65 mph (in your best estimation) faster than you, don't you think - where are the police now?  But, should you get snared in that speed trap, don't you pray for another chance or for mercy?  I know I have.

When you hear about someone embezzling money from the local PTA and they get caught, don't you think it just awful that trust was placed with that person but then that trust was betrayed?  Doesn't she just deserve whatever she gets?  But, what about your own relative or friend who may have done something warranting time in prison?  We tend to keep them in our prayers and ask for safekeeping and perhaps even a shortened term.

And then there are those who got caught up in the housing market collapse and lost homes or fell behind on payments because they got into houses which really were more than they could afford.  And they applied for and were granted loans for which they really were not qualified.  Have you always paid all of your bills on time?  What about that one missed or late payment?  Didn't you hope that it wouldn't adversely affect your credit score?

What about that person whom you know is not qualified for that job but somehow ends up being your boss?  Or that person for whom it seems as if truly that job fell out of the sky right into her lap?  Haven't you ever applied for a position, against all odds, and prayed nevertheless that you would get it?  No different.  Why should your prayers work for you but not the prayers of others work for them?

Did you study sufficiently for EVERY test you took in school?  Betcha prayed though that you would pass every one!

How about that thing you did and no one down here saw you (or at least told on you)?

Instead of obsessing about others and their situations, and the reasons why or why not, let's try to be more forgiving and extend to others the mercy we would like to receive.

What you put out there will come back to ya.


Peace and Mercy

AN EXTRAORDINARY LIFE

My neighbor's daughter has just graduated from college with an undergraduate degree in Nursing.  (Kudos to her.)  The daughter's plan is to go onto graduate school and after that, work as a midwife in the Australian bush.  While the daughter is very excited and looking forward to her future, her mom worries about the unknown and fears what may happen in a strange land far from home and a mother's reach.

My Pastor's eldest daughter graduated from college last year and is currently in Cairo taking a crash course in Arabic.  Her plan, at this point, is to ultimately work for the State Department.  This daughter anxiously anticipated her upcoming year in Cairo and what may unfold upon her return, while her parents have trepidations about her study abroad, also because of the unknown.

Another young lady I know has acknowledged her passion and works for a children's non-profit.  She left a job that she did not enjoy to embark upon her journey.

We all really do have a passion or passions.  Some of us acknowledge and work out our passions, while the majority of us don't.  Henry David Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them."

We all have a passion or a song.  But, it takes abandon and courage to act upon our passions and follow a dream.  It is much easier to get up every day to the known, however banal and mundane, then it is to take on something exciting, new and daring which speaks to our hearts and renew our energy daily.  It is much easier to go to the same mind numbing and spirit robbing job every day because it is safe and helps pay our bills and maintains our lifestyles, then it is to stretch out and pursue a career which speaks to our passion(s).

It is much easier to stay in a relationship which doesn't honor or respect us then it is to walk away from that relationship and go it alone.

We take the same vacations to our familiar known spots rather then choose a place we have not visited and chance seeing, doing and experiencing something new, different and unknown.

We limit ourselves because of fear.  Fear is an inhibitor and an evil spirit.

We really are meant to live extraordinary lives, if we would just trust.  Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Lady Gaga, Tyler Perry, Taylor Swift and I could go on; they really are not different from us.  They all at some point decided to answer a calling, follow a passion and walked into their destinies.  They aren't Greek Gods born into enchanted and magical circumstances.  They really are just everyday people who decided not to settle.  But, I don't need to pick celebrities.  What about your friend who is an outstanding and inspired and inspiring teacher?  Perhaps she is someone who followed her passion.  My godson (while I am not at liberty to say what he does) absolutely loves his job.

Wouldn't it be A-W-E-S-O-M-E to go to bed exhausted after a totally fulfilling day and then can't wait to get up the next morning in anticipation of taking on a new day?

How would that feel?


Peace

DOGGED PERSEVERANCE

A couple of months ago the impetus for the subject for my blog was my young friend who was dismayed because she seemed to only be attracting losers (A PROMISE KEPT, March 26, 2013).  My advice to her was that it wouldn't always be this way and things would get better.  She was so sad, that I was forced to go in my closet and bring out stories of some of the losers I had dated back in the day just to prove my point.

Wellll....I am happy to report that things have gotten better for her.  She shortly thereafter met a young man who seems to be a REALLY NICE guy.  My friend is a very nice young lady and I think the world her.  She has shown me pictures of him and her together and they are simply the cutest couple. 

He's gainfully employed.  Very important.  He is a cutie.  Important.  And, he seems totally smitten with her.  She showed me one picture of him standing with his arm around her and he is looking all doe-eyed as if he can't really believe he has met someone so wonderful.  You know that pinch me to see if it's real look.  And, to date he has truly doted on her.  (I always say, find someone who adores you and then...let him.)

I am mindful of the scenario of a house being newly constructed.  Before the building even takes on any shape or semblance of a recognizable structure, the workers constructing the house spend a lot of time in the mud.  Sometimes, that happens to us.  We have to spend a lot of time in the mud working out and working on stuff before it all comes together.  And, the operative word is "working".  Even when it is not going well for us, we have to keep on working to bring it all together.  Things only fall out of the sky for a few people; the rest of us have to work hard to pull it together.

When my friend was attracting losers, it was because that was the aura she was sending.  Once she decided to pause, look inward and work on herself and her goals, things started to come together for her.  We can't really expect to attract all that's good without working for it.  A great and fulfilling career doesn't just happen; we have to set goals, go to school, work on degrees and accreditations, send out hundreds of resumes, network, and make cold calls.  Before we can buy a house, we have to build up our credit by saving and paying our bills on time.  We can't retire with enough income unless we set up a savings plan and do the hard work of lifelong budgeting.  We improve our health by eating right, exercising and getting proper rest.  All of these things require sacrifice, hard work and sticktoitiveness.  In other words, dogged perseverance.

Iyanla Vanzant said that when her whole life fell apart, she had to do the hard work necessary to put her life back together.

Let's not be fooled by looking at the greener grass on the other side of the fence.  It takes a lot of work to get that grass that green.


Peace

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Momma, thought you'ld like to know
All those nights you paced the floor
Praying that I would make it home all right
Believing in God, that he would someday save my soul
Well, He did.  Just thought you'ld like to know.

Then I thought you'ld like to know
All those prayers you prayed for me,
Never a one once fell to the ground
I know sometimes it looked like I was a million miles from grace
But, he answered your prayers.  Just thought you'ld like to know.

I want you to know I love you
Please forgive me for all the times I broke your heart.
Every tear you cried for me, drew me closer to being free,
And I want to thank you.
Just thought you'ld like to know.

Then I thought you'ld like to know
That I wish I could live my life again
If I could, I would surely make amends.
And, if I can help someone along the way, I will.

Just thought you'ld like to know.



Happy Mother's Day!!


Peace and Love

COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY

I could be happy with my short, stubby, little body...except there is a Beyoncé out there.

I could be content and live comfortably within my salary (considering what my parents made)...except I hear what Oprah makes.

I could be satisfied being married to my husband...except I know there is someone out there married to Denzel.  (Williams does kind of sound like Washington, doesn't it??)

I could be proud of my daughter...except she is not Serena or Venus.  (At least their names are Williams.)

My best friend and I have been friends for years...except she is not Oprah and I am not Gail and she can't set me up with my own TV show or make me editor of a magazine.

I have loved all of my cats I have had over the years, but none of them were Garfield.

Neither of my sisters is married to a prince.

Comparison is the thief of JOY.

We are all fearfully and wonderfully made.  "For we are His workmanship,..." (Ephesians 2:10)

We have all been put on this planet for a purpose.  It is our task to discover what that purpose is.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the common sense to know the difference!


Peace AND Joy

AUTOBIOGRAPY IN 5 CHAPTERS

 

 

 

Chapter I

 

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost...I am helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

 

 

Chapter II

 

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place.

But, it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

 

 

Chapter III

 

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in...it's a habit...but,

my eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

 

 

Chapter IV

 

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

 

 

Chapter V

 

I walk down another street.

 

 

 

 

This poem is taken from Portia Nelson's "There's A Hole In My Sidewalk".

 

 

 

Where are you in your life??

 

 

Peace